tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836679125140832306.post4821851201817718209..comments2023-10-24T05:45:50.029-07:00Comments on Live Your Ideal Life: Can we ever fully recover?Andreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07432369289709223197noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836679125140832306.post-65336790450932446932010-10-03T23:59:46.544-07:002010-10-03T23:59:46.544-07:00I relate to this so much, especially the part abou...I relate to this so much, especially the part about doing a 30-day diet being similar to swimming in shark infested waters! ... I don't know how many times I have to dip my toes in again to remind myself how dangerous it is!Andiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15063358585817619428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836679125140832306.post-83037603440128039162009-12-08T08:59:19.852-08:002009-12-08T08:59:19.852-08:00I agree with them Andrea, it is hard to start gear...I agree with them Andrea, it is hard to start gearing towards <a href="http://www.cedarsprings.org/" rel="nofollow">eating disorder recovery</a>. However, don't loose faith, in yourself and in God. Your body might take time to physically adjust to the changes so be patient. I will pray for youUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01295890225077825515noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836679125140832306.post-6287774212041438782009-12-08T07:32:39.361-08:002009-12-08T07:32:39.361-08:00Thank you all for your comments. This post in some...Thank you all for your comments. This post in some ways was difficult to publish because when I reveal the humanness of myself, also comes with it the "human mess". And for a chronic perfectionist, being transparent is scary, but is therapeutic. <br />But I thought there might be someone out there who struggles with the same thing, and if I can show that it's okay, we can all heal and move on together. <br /><br />Julie- You're right. Recovery should mean different things to different people, as no one's ED is exactly the same.<br /><br />Michelle- Your comment made me feel better! :) The old me would have jumped on the diet bandwagon and gone for it. The new me recognizes the danger and says no. Yeah for me! <br /><br />M- Thanks for sharing all that you did. I resonated with all of it!Andreahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07432369289709223197noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836679125140832306.post-31362850765710895882009-12-08T05:37:48.061-08:002009-12-08T05:37:48.061-08:00I think it's individual; can change over time ...I think it's individual; can change over time and circumstances; and may depend on personal temperament, severity of illness, length of illness, age, and time of intervention/duration of treatment, and co-morbid disorders.<br /><br />I had childhood anorexia, non-purging, that persisted through my college years and remitted at the time I was married. I was able to maintain that remission (and a normal weight) through three pregnancies. At the time, though I believed I had put anorexia behind me, I also knew in the back of my mind that it was really only "on hold." <br /><br />As long as I had strong deterrents (pregnancy, career achievement) that outweighed the urge to cave in to ED-driven thoughts and behaviors. That lasted seven years ... and most people would say that was solid recovery. But it still all came tumbling down, and I relapsed ... and I have essentially been in a state of compromised remission/chronic anorexia for the past 10 years.<br /><br />Doctors speculated a chronic strep infection triggered the relapse ... or a pregnancy/nursing/weaning cascade ... or even the moderate exercise I was doing for health triggered the cycle of drive, anxiety, restriction, exercise, etc. But it could have been anything or nothing. I can say for sure, however, that anorexia comes more "naturally" than normative eating, thinking, etc. It seems to be my default setting.<br /><br />I can see now that I had some degree of normalized body perception at higher weights, but it was really more self-talk to try to convince/assure myself I wasn't really as "fat" as I felt. But, in fact, I was. I was "fat" (whatever that means neurologically and psychologically) in my head/brain, which is where it always is, physicality aside. Restored nutrition did *not* change how I felt, perceived things, anything ... for *seven* years, I still felt uncomfortable in my body, in my mind, discomfitted with "sitting with myself." I always felt like I was walking a thin line. <br /><br />Persistent anxiety, perfectionism, and general drive fueled that. Stress could fuel that. A run-of-the-mill illness could fuel that (a lapse into restriction). Insomnia could fuel the cycle. <br /><br />I just externalized that inner "it," turning to drive in other areas as a substitute. But it didn't "fix" the original eating disorder. In spite of therapy, support, motivation, and some of the best treatment programs. <br /><br />For me, the only way out isn't to wait for/expect that often-touted sense of "recovery" and a "wonderful life of freedom after ED" kind of idea. The answer for me, and I suspect most chronic anorexia patients, is dogged behavioral change, constant and continuing vigilance and support, and acceptance that it may, indeed, be as good as it gets ... then move on with all the other ways to fill your life enough that it crowds the ED voices to the corners as much as possible.<br /><br />I think you're hormonally and emotionally vulnerable right now, and "cleaning things up" could be an oh-so-easy trigger for someone predisposed to an eating disorder and anxiety. And once you tip the balance on that scale, it's really tough to achieve equilibrium again. Take good care and be well!<br /><br />(The_Timekeeper)Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11037539254326775210noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836679125140832306.post-11856880947456570432009-12-07T17:42:03.678-08:002009-12-07T17:42:03.678-08:00P.S. I have met Jenni and talked with her about th...P.S. I have met Jenni and talked with her about this subject. I assume you have read my interview with her? http://venusvision.com/interview-with-jenni-schaefer-author-of-life-without-ed/<br /><br />If I hadn't spoken with her directly, I might share your doubts more (I was definitely skeptical the first time I saw her with her shirt that says "Recovered.")<br /><br />But reading her books AND talking to her convinced me that full recovery IS possible!Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15699163324288037166noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836679125140832306.post-76787856589308081102009-12-07T17:28:19.593-08:002009-12-07T17:28:19.593-08:00First of all Andrea, thanks for the link to my rev...First of all Andrea, thanks for the link to my review of Goodbye Ed, Hello Me. I hope you get a chance to read both of her books in the near future.<br /><br />I do know how you feel. When it comes to loving and accepting my body, I have come a long way, even though I now weigh more than I have through most of my adult life (outside of pregnancy). I do take good care of my body, but it seems like to have the body that comes closer to what I thought I should have (since I never actually had the body I thought I really wanted), I have to count every calorie, and work out heavily every single day. <br /><br />Now I eat what I like, focusing on balance and variety, and enjoy different activities, some of which burn a lot of calories, and others that don't burn as much.<br /><br />Since I have gained weight at the same time I have worked on accepting and loving my body unconditionally, I have faced an extra challenge. But when I consider how much of my life is freed up by NOT constantly obsessing over food and what my body looks like and what I could achieve if only .... well, my life is so much more meaningful now.<br /><br />Yes, I still have my moments, like you do. But I do believe full recovery is possible for some. Does that mean someone who is fully recovered NEVER EVER has some of the old thoughts they had during their eating disorder or disordered eating days? Of course not. The difference is those thoughts don't have the same power. Just like "normal eating" means sometimes listening to your body, stopping eating when you've had enough, and yet other times eating more just because something tastes good or because you're having a good time, I think it is in the range of "normal" to reflect from time to time on your body and eating habits. What you do as a result of your reflection is more of an indication of how far you've come.<br /><br />I'm still a work in progress, but I KNOW without a doubt that I will find the confidence to one day say I am free from disordered eating, and I hope you too can find the freedom you are looking for.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15699163324288037166noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836679125140832306.post-21020314075841283272009-12-07T15:55:44.710-08:002009-12-07T15:55:44.710-08:00Andrea - this is such a great post and I can reall...Andrea - this is such a great post and I can really relate. I think recovery means different things to different people - and that should be absolutely ok. I have known people who have barely 'managed' or kept an eating disorder 'at bay' and for them, the fact they are alive and still functioning at least on a basic level, is to them recovered. For others of course this is not enough and they want to be much more mentally and physically strong before they feel they can use the word 'recovered.' There is a continuum I think and each person who has suffered with an eating disorder or disordered eating will feel comfortable at varying different spots of that continuum.<br /><br />I so relate to your comments about cutting back on sugar/carbs. I recently went to see a naturopath because I have been experiencing quite bad heartburn. I didn't want to take a pill for it and the recommendation given to me was to entirely cut out coffee, diet soft drinks, sugar, carbs and most dairy. Because I thought it 'good for my health' I tried to do it and lasted a day and a half. I felt terrible about myself when I gave up and it took me over a week to realise that what was being recommended to me was really just not 'doable' for someone who has in previous years engaged in extreme dieting. It's almost like my brian 'snapped' in a way and now I've just cut back on the coffee, diet soft drinks and am being careful about acidic things like orange juice and mints as that seems to set the heartburn off. I do feel better for it and I hope this will continue to be the case, as I don't think my brain can cope with the whole NO NO NO to large groups of food. The deprivation just does not sit well with me.<br /><br />In saying that though, it is really hard when people say you need to do such things for your health. It's all such a balancing act and I will admit to teetering sometimes and not always getting it right.<br /><br />Thanks for such a great post. You have a way of making me open up somewhat!Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14818538212313466746noreply@blogger.com