“Don’t be a hero, just get the epidural.”
Plain and simple- Women who don’t get an epidural during childbirth are not trying to be a hero. They’re not trying to prove anything to anyone. They don't want a trophy, a medal, or a "congratulations". Their reasons may vary, but I can almost guarantee that they are completely annoyed by the “Don’t be a hero” statement.
“Women that have natural child birth are crazy!”
We are trained to think that childbirth is hidiously painful and should be avoided at all costs. Childbirth is a right of passage and many women embrace it, pain and all.
We are trained to think that childbirth is hidiously painful and should be avoided at all costs. Childbirth is a right of passage and many women embrace it, pain and all.
“VBAC is selfish. You should just do the safest thing for your baby and have another c-section”
This one makes my head spin. If anyone was truly educated on both the subject of multiple cesarean and VBAC, they would never say this ridiculous statement. I can only assume this would be said by someone that doesn't have a clue about both subjects or does not have a vagina. If someone does have the balls to say this, ask them where they got their medical degree.
VBAC is not selfish.
This one makes my head spin. If anyone was truly educated on both the subject of multiple cesarean and VBAC, they would never say this ridiculous statement. I can only assume this would be said by someone that doesn't have a clue about both subjects or does not have a vagina. If someone does have the balls to say this, ask them where they got their medical degree.
VBAC is not selfish.
“Having a healthy baby is all that matters. It doesn’t matter how he’s born”
There is someone else involved in the birth and caring of that baby- and it’s his mother. Her physical health is important, but also her mental and emotional health. I am so tired of hearing this. It does matter how the baby is born! It goes without saying that the health of the baby is most important, but it's entirely unfair that the mother's feelings are simply pushed aside.
“C-section is the way to go. No contractions, no pushing, you’re in, you’re out!”
If you’ve never had a c-section and you say this to someone, shame on you. You have no right to impose this type of advice. If you’ve had a c-section and your experience was pleasant, I ask you to STOP telling pregnant women this. The process of labor and delivery is actually healthy for mother and baby. Most women grow up hearing nothing but horror stories about labor, so they learn to fear labor. I mean really FEAR labor. But women's bodies are made for labor. We're made to be able to take the pain and the contractions.
“Well, it could always be worse”
I'd like to think that this statement is said when there is absolutely nothing else to say. Perhaps out of desperation to fill the silence or say anything to make the mother feel better. But, I urge, you...don't say this! Obviously, it could always be worse. But, someone who didn't have a great birth experience does not need their feelings to be made less.
And lastly, I hesitated to write about this, but I wanted to make the point. (Another great post about this is here). If someone has had a traumatic c-section, or even a non-traumatic one but has ill feelings toward it, I think saying the following can be hurtful:
“Don’t worry, next time you can just have a VBAC!”
It can be negative for two reasons. First, she may not be a good candidate for a VBAC or she may attempt and not succeed (or she may be done having babies). Secondly, having a VBAC doesn’t automatically erase or “fix” the feelings of a previous traumatic birth experience. In some ways, I expected this to happen to me. Although my VBAC was great, and I encourage all women to try for one that desire to, I’m still sad that my son came into the world in a way that I feel was not the greatest. It’s out of my control, I’ve come a long way with the feelings assocaited with it, but like any traumatic experience, happier ones in the future don’t make it all better.
Photo courtesy of Shutter Daddy
Photo courtesy of Shutter Daddy
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