Showing posts with label working out. Show all posts
Showing posts with label working out. Show all posts

I did it because I was scared

In my last couple of posts I’ve mentioned that I’m training for a sprint triathlon. I’m doing it because as a runner, this will be a challenge and the fact that I always thought it was ballsy to say the least to swim in open water. Growing up in southern California, I’ve played in the ocean countless times, but it wasn’t until I became an adult that I became afraid of the open ocean. How does that make sense? I’m not too sure.

First things first, let me tell you about my pool drain phobia. Just typing those words makes the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. I had a boyfriend in high school who thought it would be funny to try to drag me down by my ankle to get close to it. He didn’t like it when he got kicked in the nuts. (Hey, it wasn’t totally on purpose. I’m not responsible for flailing arms and legs when I’m freaking out). I don’t do Jacuzzis. When I do laps in the pool, I CANNOT swim in the lane that goes directly over the drains. And if there is no one else in the pool, I won’t go in. Even if the only other person is a 95 year old Asian lady bouncing around on her noodle, I feel safe. I mean, if the drain monster is going to get me, at least she can go get help.

As I’ve been training in the pool, the drain thing has gotten a bit easier to deal with. It stays put, so I’m happy. On Sunday, I signed up for a swim clinic for beginners. I was so sick with anxiety, in the days leading up to it I almost vomited twice. Two days before the clinic, this was my Facebook status:


Less than 48 hours until I do my first ever open water swim, a practice before my first triathlon in October. Thinking about it makes me want to vomit and I can't breathe. But, I'm doing it anyway. Bobbie Vrastil-Solomon, I apologize now for any drama I bring.

After I posted it I suddenly realized I had a choice in the matter. It wasn't really me who was scared. My gremlin had been shouting in my ear, "Who do you think you are, competing in a triathlon? You'll probably come in dead last!" Therefore it was easier for me to just be scared. So I declared I would leave my gremlin at home and bring my badass self to the swim. Done!

However, on the drive there I almost turned around and went home. My gremlin said, "That's really cute, that thing you said about leaving me at home. The open ocean is scary, mean and there's no side of the pool to hold onto when you choke on filthy polluted water and the piranha come to feast on you." Nice, isn't she? But, then I got to thinking.  No, really. I DO have a choice here. I have a choice to be scared. It's a mind game. Plain and simple. Not to mention I was creating all the drama surrounding being scared. Drama feeds on drama. I don't care if it's about a pool drain, or a bad relationship, throwing gasoline on a fire called drama is just going to get you more....you guess it! DRAMA!

So, I went. I wasn't exactly choreographing synchronized swimming routines and I avoided the buoys with all the crustaceans on them (gross and scary). And it helped that Bobbie was a great coach and hey- there were even other scared people there too. So, I didn't feel like a total weenie. And here we are. Alive!


Moral of the story:

  • You have a choice to feel whatever you feel. Good or bad. 
  • The drama you create will feed on itself and become more. 
  • If you face your fear with support, I can guarantee it won't be as bad as you (or your gremlin) has made it out to be. 
  • Pool drains are still scary. 

Hello, recovery. Nice to meet you.

I want to preface this blog post with a quick update. Obviously my posts are few and far between lately. One main reason is that I'm having a website built and this blog will move over to it. My creative energy has gone to that, plus two very small children that are now both mobile. So, between potty training, hovering, chasing, beach/park going, training for a triathlon, life coaching certification, getting up at 5:30 am with my son....I'm just spent. Lots of ideas to write that swarm through my head, but never get to this blog. So, there you have it.

************

Triathlon training. Wow. It's something I never thought I would do. It's something I never thought I could do. As I write this, I'm in week 5 of training, with about 8 more to go. I'm not a strong swimmer, so that is a challenge. I also have a fear of open water swimming, plus training in a pool is challenging because of a really raging drain phobia (shut up) so mentally, that's been....interesting. But the biggest challenge of all is this:

In the last 2 weeks I've noticed my body is changing. And a few other people have noticed too. So what? Well, this is the first time I've started a new (and temporary) exercise program for fun (did I really just say that?) rather than to be a certain body type. And also the first time I've done it and been this far into recovery from disordered eating and exercise.

Now, I know what's happened from a physiological standpoint (science nerd alert). I've switched up my workouts from just running to running, swimming and cycling. Plus, bumped up my usual 3 times per week to 5 times per week. I've also been hungrier and eat more.

That's it.

But, the victory is accepting the body changes for what they are. Just changes. Formerly I would have seen the changes and become obsessed by them. Worked out more, ate less. But now, I let it go. At first I braced myself for the reaction I would have. Like someone closing their eyes waiting for an oncoming collision. And waited, and waited. But, they didn't come. I opened one eye, then the other and took a breath. And I let in the new feelings.

So this is what it's like to be recovered. 

This victory is a big giant step. I guess I lived for so many years on the other side, part of me thought that if I did get to a place where I lost some weight, or toned up, I would come crashing back down. Being fully recovered is still somewhat new territory, and my gremlin gets a wee bit terrorized there.

I know it's all a work in progress. All of it, my whole life. Will I fall down, get triggered, make a step back here and there? Probably. And that's okay.

Old Memories

So, I'm training for a triathlon. A sprint distance, nothing crazy. Since I've been recovered from disordered eating and exercise, I've kept my love of running, but one thing has changed; I only run outside. I don't think this was a completely conscious choice, but since I've had kids, I have to bring them running, and I can't exactly push them on the treadmill in their stroller, and I've discovered I really love to run outside.

On Sunday I went to the gym for the first time in a long time. I did an easy swim, quickly changed and got on the treadmill. Plugged my ipod in, pushed all the buttons and started running.

And all the memories came back. Like a Mack truck.

The smell of the gym, the people there, the sound of the treadmill. The digital time ticking, telling me how much time has elapsed, how many miles I have run, and of coarse, how many calories I have burned. I would race the clock to see if I could make a certain distance before the time got there. Or, I would run until I burned x amount of imaginary calories. I wonder if that ever made my happy.

On Sunday I ran for only 20 minutes, but in that time I thought about how I used to be when I was on the treadmill. Thinking obsessing about calories, wondering how much more distance I could take, hoping my legs wouldn't buckle out from under me. Trying to ignore the hungry feeling in my stomach. And on and on. And thinking.....that was normal.

After the 20 minutes was up, I stopped. The old me would have pushed on for another 20 or 30 minutes, just to...I don't know. Prove something.

In times like that, when I see my old ghost, I take note of how far I've come. I'm sad for a moment. Thinking of how happy I thought I was. Then happy, taking note of how "grown up" I feel now. Exercising to be fit. Huh. Now, that makes me happy. I'm sure of it.

Triggered.



trig·ger
–verb
  • to initiate or precipitate (a chain of events, scientific reaction, psychological process, etc.)
  • to fire or explode (a gun, missile, etc.) by pulling a trigger or releasing a triggering device
  • to become active; activate


First thing Monday morning I had a session with my coach. I didn’t have a specific topic nailed down, but had about 3 things that were swimming in my head, so I just started talking. Talk, talk, talk about how I want to do this, and I need to decide on this, and I feel lost about that. A few minutes later my coach says, “Wow. Sounds like you’ve been triggered.” 
And Holy Moses, was she right. 
I thought about the last 2 weeks and some things that had happened. Not necessarily monumental events, just little things that planted themselves in my brain, and then the fire started. For me, in this particular instance I’m writing about, is body image. And let me tell ya, when it's body image, it's not just a piddly fire. It's a god damn inferno. 
Week before last I was running in my neighborhoods while pushing both my kids in the stroller. I was feeling amazing, finally feeling better from an injury and so happy to be back doing what I love: running. A car pulled up beside me, slowed down and a women about early to mid-60’s rolled down her window. She smiled and asked me, “How come it’s always the skinny girls that are running?” 
...
I was speechless (which is rare for me). My first reaction was to stop and launch into an enormous explanation, an angry explosion. Who does she think she is, thinking that I run to be skinny? How dare she assume that being skinny equates happiness and health? And who cares what type of body I have, why does that matter? Is that supposed to be some kind of compliment? And on and on and on. My head spun out of control with assumptions of what she really meant and I can’t imagine what the look on my face was like. However, I said nothing. 
On Saturday I went to a workshop that was held at a beautiful private gym. I went to use the restroom and there it was: The scale. You might be thinking, “Yeah, so what?” But for me, and I think for a lot of people that are in recovery from disordered eating and exercise, seeing that scale was...terrifying, haunting, exciting, curious, frustrating, confusing and triggering. So many thoughts. The angel and devil quickly had an argument: Don’t get on it. It’s not that big of a deal, just step on it. Don’t do it, you haven’t weighed yourself in 9 months! Well, you’ve been exercising again, let’s just see what happened. If you step on it, you might go back there, to that place. Are you that fragile that you can’t handle what it says? Yes, you can, just do it. Prove that it’s not a big deal anymore. 
As I washed my hands I stared at it on the floor in the mirror. And I walked away. 
These two things happened and that’s just it: They happened. In my mind I’ve come to the conclusion that being triggered = BAD. And what happens afterward, or how I handle it (or don’t handle it) determines and defines who I am and where I am in terms of recovery. 
Today, I learned and accepted that I don’t have to go down with the triggers in my life, whether they be about body image, perfectionism, relationships or anything. Sometimes they suck, and sometimes they hurt, but I can choose to look at them as a gift. Sometimes they’re wrapped up in a pretty bow, sometimes they feel like a block of cement, sometimes it's a box of dog shit, but no matter what, they are my gift to myself, and I just need to ask, “What did I learn?” That’s it. They don’t need to mean anything profound all the time. They don’t define me. They don’t grip me. 

So, what did I learn? I learned that backhanded compliments about my body are hard to swallow. Thinking about it further, any comment about my body is hard to swallow. But, I don't need to make assumptions about what that person meant. And I learned that sometimes the scale looks scary. And there's a part of me that's curious about how much I weigh. That's it. I can get so caught up and lost if the "what does it all mean?" and will run on that hampster wheel all damn day. And if I need to cry, I'll cry. And if I don't, I won't. But being triggered doesn't equal anything. 

So, think about what triggers you. Perhaps there are times when you feel so overwhelmed by something, or really wanting to launch into a new project, or control something, anything in your life. Think about the past few weeks or even months and if anything happened, however small that may have triggered you. And just be with it. 

Photo courtesy of Soul Rider

J Lo tells us the reason we should all get our pre-baby body back...

Recently, Jennifer Lopez was interviewed for  US magazine. Not the most intriguing of magazines, I know, but they do have (what I am assuming is) hundreds of thousands of subscribers, and many, many more pick it up while waiting in line at the grocery store. The cover screams, "MY BEST BODY EVER" and provides us with an eyeful of the celebrity looking happy and sultry. A look all of us mothers are apparently dying to achieve. (Insert eye roll). The article quotes Lopez as saying,"You get to the point where you're like, Where am I? What happened to me? I got to get myself together for my kids, you know? They need to know what I really look like."




Don't get me wrong; I love me some J Lo. Many times I've been running, listening to her music, shaking my butt, trying to tap into my inner Latina. But, Jesus H. Christ. "They need to know what I really look like" ?? What she really looks like? I can guarantee, that what she really looks like is not some perfectly lit, posed, professionally make-up'd, airbrushed and photoshopped celebrity. And what kind of message does this send to her children and to other mothers? Call me completely bananas-gone-crazy, but this is the message it sends to me as a mother: 

Mamas: If you've got a little or a lot of belly fat, perhaps some pesky cellulite on your thighs,
 some sag on your butt cheeks after having those babies, don't you think it's about time you show 
your kids what you looked like BEFORE you had them? So what if it's been several years and you're
 not 20 anymore. Do it for your KIDS! Get yourself together for your them. 

Clearly, I jest, and who really takes J Lo seriously anymore. But, this is nothing new. We see it and hear it daily. The "How I got my body back after baby" article is a pretty constant bombardment to us mothers. So how do we ignore it? How in the world do we squash just deal with the body image pressures after having babies? 

There are many things a woman can do about it, and it really depends on the severity of her issues. I will say a couple of things. First of all, remember this: When you decide to have a baby, your life will change permanently. Forever. For the rest of your natural life. So, count on the fact that it's pretty likely that your body will change too. For-ev-er. Am I happy about the fact that my body is different now after having 2 babies? No. By no means do I give myself a wink and a thumbs up in the mirror when my eyes fall on a part of my body that is different than it used to be. But, I'm learning to live with it. Sometimes I just sigh and have to say, "It is, what it is", then go chase my toddler or nurse my daughter (which by the way I'll take my not-so-perky-anymore breasts as a trade off for breastfeeding both of my children). Just try to keep it in perspective. We chose to have the attitudes we have about certain things. Body image is no different. We can choose to be in a place of "Oh-my-god-I-need-to-get-my-body-back-or-else-(insert worst possible fate)" or we can choose to just accept it for what it is.

Your kids don't care if you have some belly fat. They don't care if you have some cellulite. But, they do care (and listen) about how you think and talk about your body. I vowed to do my best to heal my body image issues and to not pass them on to my children, especially my daughter. I do the best I can. Sometimes I feel like that clown at the circus who spins plates on both hands, one foot, his head and his nose. Some fall off, sometimes he looks silly, but, hey, at least he's trying, right? We have a lot to deal with as mothers. Let's not beat ourselves up by comparing our bodies now to what they looked like before we had babies.

Thanks anyway, J Lo. Please don't comment anymore about that. Just keep making great movies making music that we can shake our butts to. 

Katherine Switzer

March is Women's History Month and with so many amazing women who have made a difference in our world, choosing one to write about is difficult. So, I decided to write about one you many not have heard of.

A few years ago I read that up until 1984 women were not allowed to participate in the Olympic Marathon competition. I was floored. This was in my lifetime that women were actually not allowed to participate. I thought by the time I was born in 1975, we were long past this, however I was wrong. As runner myself, this both fascinated and angered me and I wanted to know more. Upon researching, I came across Katherine Switzer, who has become my own personal hero. The following story is from the book, "The Spirit of the Marathon" by Gail Waesche Kislevitz. This story makes me emotional, gives me goosebumps, especially to see the pictures of what happened. Perhaps because when I read it I put myself in Katherine's shoes. As a woman, an athlete, it makes me so proud of Katherine, what she stands for and what an amazing role model she is for young girls and women everywhere. So, please sit back and read the whole story. It's well worth it!

Life is for Participating

by Gail Waesche Kislevitz

Kathrine Switzer
D.O.B.: 1-5-47
Residence: New York/New Zealand
Occupation: Program Director, Avon Running, Global Women's Circuit;
Director, Women's Health and Fitness, RYKA
First Marathon: 1967 Boston Marathon, Boston, MA
Age at first marathon: 20

Every time a female runner enters a marathon, a small offering should be made to Kathrine Switzer. Through her tenacity, stubbornness and belief that women can too run 26.2, she scaled the male bastion of the Boston Marathon that barred women from its race and helped to open its doors to women, which it officially did in 1972. Switzer then put her degree in journalism and her love for running to good use and furthered the cause for women in sports through her work at Avon and RYKA shoes. When not traveling the globe promoting women's walking and running, Kathrine can be found taking her daily run through Central Park. Among her many citations and awards for her work to advance women's sports is the Runner of the Decade commendation from Runner's World magazine. She was also honored as a member of the inaugural class of the National Distance Running Hall of Fame.

"When I was twelve years old I wanted to be a cheerleader. Like many pre-pubescent girls I thought if I were a cheerleader I would be popular and boys would ask me out and I would end up dating the captain of the football team. When I told my dad of my aspiration he looked at me and said, 'You don't want to be a cheerleader. That's silly. Life is for participating not spectating. The cheerleaders lead cheers. You should play sports and have people cheer for you. You like to run and be active. Why don't you go out for field hockey?' I wasn't a tomboy, but I always thought a girl could do anything a boy could so I took his advice to heart. My mother was a great role model in that sense as she did everything. She worked a professional job, cooked the meals, tended a garden and raised us to believe there were no limitations on what we could do. My dad supported that and encouraged us to think beyond traditional roles.

With my dad's encouragement, I started to get in shape for field hockey by running a mile. No one ran on the streets back in 1959. The only runners I knew were the track and cross-country runners at school. But when I realized that running did in fact build my endurance, it became my secret weapon. I knew it would make me better at other sports. I didn't know anything about training or conditioning, but I knew that running was the key. By high school, I was up to 3 miles and felt like the cock of the walk. No girl I knew anywhere could run three miles a day.

I continued playing field hockey at Lynchburg College in Virginia but was somewhat disappointed in the skills and commitment of the other women. Most of them were not very dedicated to the sport and didn't care whether we won or lost. I cared deeply and played hard, taking practice and the games very seriously. After practice I would run a mile. When the coach found out she got very angry, accusing me of not working hard enough at practice if I still had the energy to run a mile afterwards. What she didn't understand was that mile was my alone time, my solace. One day while I was finishing up my mile, the men's track coach approached me and asked if I would run a mile on the men's team. There was a big meet coming up and he needed another member on the team to qualify and I looked like I could do it. I had no problem with that and agreed. Well, all hell broke out when word got out that a woman was going to run on the men's team. Lynchburg was a small religious-affiliated school and I was doing something almost sacrilegious. On the day of the meet, the campus and field was swarming with local and national media to capture me, this woman, who dared run with men.

The media hype made me nervous and I knew I had to do well to uphold my athletic honor. I finished the mile in 5:58 and was pleased. But I wasn't thrilled with some of the hate mail I received over the incident, telling me God will strike me dead for running with men. I learned a valuable lesson that day. I was being judged not on my athletic ability but on being a woman. It dawned on me for the first time that there would be no sports programs for me after college. Either it just wasn't done or it wasn't available. Billie Jean King had just come out as a professional woman's tennis player and there were some female golf pros, but those sports didn't interest me. Since I loved sports but didn't feel I could participate on a professional level I decided to become a sports journalist and transferred to Syracuse University in 1966.

I was still serious about my running and wanted to continue it at Syracuse. Along the way, running had evolved from being my secret weapon to my first love. It was something I could do by myself, didn't cost anything, didn't need a lot of equipment and I loved being outdoors. I was also good at it. I knew that running was going to be a lifetime sport for me. I've often felt that if field hockey were an Olympic sport I would have stayed with it because I did love it and never would have become a runner. But those avenues were not available to women back in the early sixties. Women today have so many choices, from soccer to basketball to snowboarding, almost anything they desire. For me, it was running.

At Syracuse I went to see the men's cross country coach and asked if I could run on the team since there wasn't a women's team. He looked at me a bit startled and said, 'I've been coaching for thirty years and have never had a woman ask to be on the team. I can't let you run officially because it is against the NCAA rules but you are welcome to come and work out with us.' With that, I started running with the team but was miles behind them. That's when I met Arnie Briggs, who was the postman for the University. He finished his job at three in the afternoon and then worked out with the team. He did this for years until finally he became the unofficial manager of the team. He was also a marathon runner and had run the Boston Marathon fifteen times. When I met him he was fifty to my nineteen. He had a bad knee and all sorts of injuries but could still run slowly, which was faster than what my pace was. And of course, he still had the endurance for long runs. He was excited that a girl was with the team and sort of adopted me. Actually I think he felt sorry for me because as soon as the team headed out for their runs, I would lose sight of them and wouldn't know where to go. He took me under his wing and taught me about running.

In the winter when the team went indoors for training, Arnie and I stayed outside and ran in the cold and the snow. We were running six to ten miles a night and Arnie would keep me entertained with stories of the Boston Marathon. He'd tell me tales of Clarence DeMar, John Kelley the Elder, John Kelley the Younger, Tarzan Brown, all the legends. I was entranced and fascinated. Finally, one snowy night I said let's stop talking about Boston and just go and run the damn thing. He turned to me and said, 'Women can't run the Boston Marathon. Women aren't capable of running 26.2 miles. It's the law of diminishing returns.' I told him he was crazy, that if I could run 10 miles, why couldn't I run 26? He HAD to believe a woman could do it, because I had read in Sports Illustrated that Bobbie (Roberta) Gibb had run the Boston Marathon in 1966. She hid in the bushes until half the runners had passed and then slipped into the pack. She finished but her time was not recorded as she didn't wear a race number and was not officially entered in the race. When I told this to Arnie, he was enraged and didn't believe it. I was deeply upset at his reaction. I felt our friendship was at a crossroad if he truly didn't believe a woman could run a marathon after all the training and the long runs we had enjoyed together. He thought it over for a while and said that if any woman could run the distance, he believed it was me, and if I could prove to him that I could indeed run 26.2 miles, he would personally take me to Boston.

Now I had a coach and a goal and it was all business from them on. I trained consistently and bumped up the long runs from 15 miles to 17 to 18 miles and so on. It wasn't always easy. At my first attempt at 18 miles I hit the wall. But I kept going and finally we set the day to run 26.2 miles. I was hot to trot, so excited. It was an early April day with snow still on the ground. We mapped out about four 10K loops and as we were finishing up the last loop, Arnie turned and said, 'I can't believe you are going to make it. You are really going to complete a marathon.' It was such a big deal for me. All of a sudden I put on the brakes and said, 'What if we mismeasured the course and we're short of 26.2 miles?' I wanted to be absolutely sure of the distance and began to doubt we had measured accurately. Just to be totally sure, I wanted to add another 5 miles. Arnie was astonished, but said if I could do it, he could do it. During the last five miles of this now 31-mile run, Arnie began weaving back and forth, his legs like jelly. I put my arm through his and steadied him for the last mile. Back at the car, our finish line, I threw my arms around him and slapped him on the back screaming that we were on our way to Boston, and he passed out.

The next day he came over to my dorm with the race entry form. I knew that Bobbi Gibb didn't wear a number, so I somehow thought I'd just show up and run. Oh no, said Arnie, Boston is a serious race, you are a serious runner, you are a member of the Amateur Athletic Union (AAU), and you don't mess with Boston. You have to do it right and officially register. I wondered if it might be against some rule, remembering that I was allowed to run in the conference at Lynchburg College but not with the NCAA at Syracuse University. Arnie had anticipated the question and had the current AAU Rulebook with him. The book listed "Men's Track and Field Events," "Women's Track and Field Events," and then a third category, "The Marathon," which listed nothing about gender. We laughed that nobody would think about a woman running a marathon since only crazy men ran it anyway!

The application also called for a medical certificate. In lieu of that I could have opted to have an onsite physical exam at Boston, but Arnie didn't think I'd want to stand in a hallway with a bunch of naked men getting a physical. So I went to the Syracuse Infirmary for my physical and got the medical certificate signed. Anyway, I filled out the entry, plunked down my $3 entry fee, and signed my name, K.V. Switzer.

Now, the reason I signed K.V. Switzer instead of Kathrine is because I always signed my name that way. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a writer and K.V. was going to be my signature name. It seemed to my young mind then that all the good writers used their initials like J.D. Salinger, E.E.Cummings, T.S. Elliot, W.B. Yeats -- so ever since I was twelve I signed all my papers K.V. Switzer, thinking I was totally cool. It was my signature.

Arnie sent my application in with the rest of the track guys from Syracuse who were also planning on running the marathon. Actually, I was the only one who had really trained. That night, I went out with my boyfriend Tom Miller, who was a graduate student and a hammer thrower. He was very amused with all this and would ask me how my 'jogging' was going. When I told him I was running the Boston Marathon, he fell down laughing. He said if I could run a marathon he could too and decided to sign up. He weighed 235 pounds but that didn't discourage him. He just felt if I could do it he could. To prove his point he went out and ran nine miles and declared he was ready. So we all go to Boston.

The day of the race was horrible. Sleeting, snowing, windy and cold. All the runners had on big baggy sweats with windbreakers and hoods. I wore my worst stuff because Arnie said when we got warmed up we'd throw away our old sweats and just leave them behind. As I pinned on my number, the other runners around me noticed I was a woman and got very excited and supportive. They thought it was great that a woman was going to run Boston. We all lined up to go through the starting pen and as I went through the pen, I had to lift my sweatshirt to show my number. Will Cloney himself, the co-race director, pushed me through the starting gate. More people were noticing I was female and congratulated me, all very supportive and excited for me. Arnie, my boyfriend Tom, John Leonard from our cross country team and I were in a little group. Our plan was to stay together for a while but if anyone wanted to split off we would meet at the finish. The race starts and off we go.

Four miles into the race, the media flatbed truck loaded with photographers came through and we all had to get out of the way to let it pass. A bus followed the truck with the journalists and on that bus were co-race directors Will Cloney and Jock Semple. The photographers saw me first and started shouting, 'There's a girl in the race,' and then slowed up in front of us and started taking pictures. By now, I'd thrown away my top sweatshirt and my hair was flying. I didn't try to disguise my gender at all. Heck, I was so proud of myself I was wearing lipstick! When the journalists saw me, they started teasing Jock that a girl had infiltrated his race. They looked up my number and saw K. Switzer and started heckling Jock some more. 'She doesn't look like a Karl,' they'd say. Their bus was still behind us. I was unaware what was going on behind me as we were waving at the photographers in front of us.

Jock was well known for his violent temper. He seethed for awhile, and then he erupted. He jumped off the bus and went after me. I saw him just before he pounced, and let me tell you, I was scared to death. He was out of control. I jumped away from him as he grabbed for me, but he caught me by the shoulder and spun me around, and screamed, 'Get the hell out of my race and give me that race number.' I tried to get away from him but he had me by the shirt. It was like being in a bad dream. Arnie tried to wrestle Jock away from me but was having a hard time himself and then Tom, my 235-pound boyfriend came to the rescue and smacked Jock with a cross body block and Jock went flying through the air. At first, I thought we had killed him. I was stunned and didn't know what to do, but then Arnie just looked at me and said, 'Run like hell,' and I did as the photographers snapped away and the scribes recorded the event for posterity.

BOSTON MARATHON

The rest is history. My infamous run at the 1967 Boston Marathon is recorded as unofficial and does not post a time, although it was around 4:20:00. Despite that the BAA wanted nothing to do with me, the fact that I ran with a number made headlines around the world. The New York Times reported the story but inadvertently said I didn't finish. I was furious and personally called the reporter to correct his mistake, saying just because you filed your story while I was still out running didn't mean I didn't finish! It was this incident as much as any other that made me determined to become a better runner, to prove I could also be a real athlete, as I certainly never was a quitter and even with all the dreadful stuff at Boston I would have finished that race on my hands and knees to prove that a woman could do it.

Afterwards, I decided to use this experience to insure that other women who wanted to run would not be subjected to the same treatment. I became an organizer and an outspoken proponent for women's physical capability. The first thing I did when Arnie and I got back to Syracuse was form The Syracuse Track Club and encouraged women to join. We staged regular meets with full opportunities for women. I felt the most important thing I could do for women was to create the forum for their acceptance in sports.

Back in Boston, Bobbi Gibb continued to run without a number, as did the other women who were coming on the scene as well. In 1969 three women including Nina Kuscsik, ran unofficially. I stayed away from Boston until 1970. That year, four other women also ran. This time they recorded my time, 3:34. By 1971, myself, Nina Kusisck and Sara Mae Berman ran Boston and afterwards we united our efforts to try and force the arm of the Boston Athletic Association (BAA) to officially allow women to run. We wanted to lift the ban in Boston as well as the exclusion of women running long distance in the Olympics, including the women's marathon.

Finally, in 1972, for the first time ever women were officially welcome to run the Boston Marathon. It was a big breakthrough - at last we could be ATHLETES. After this momentous decision, I continued fighting for women's rights in sports, but for awhile I moved my concentration on being an athlete to my first priority. I was 25 years old and knew I had a window of opportunity left and trained my brains out. I didn't want to get to be 40 and not have tried to go all out. I'd do a 20 or 27 miler every Sunday just to be ready for anything. Some years I did 7 or 8 marathons a year. Probably too much but guess what? I got good! I went back to Boston eight times, and ran a personal best of 2:51:37 in 1975. I also won the New York City Marathon in 1974. When I ran my 2:51 I was thrilled. I though of the time I could only run a mile, then 3 miles, than ran my first marathon at 4:20 only five years ago and here I broke the three hour mark. I am constantly amazed at what the human body can do. Really, I felt if I could do it on my limited talent, I thought thousands of women could do it, and they really deserved the chance to try.

And after running the 2:51, I really wanted to concentrate on making that happen. I was hoping it could become my career, too, somehow. I parlayed my journalism and writing skills with running and set out on a career in public relations and sports marketing promoting races, doing sports writing which evolved into doing TV commentary of running events. I also created the Avon Running Global Women's Circuit, a series of running events for women in many countries. I am most proud of this program because it led in great part to the inclusion of a women's marathon in the 1984 Olympics Games. At the same time, the Avon program and the work I do with RYKA women's sports shoes has allowed me to introduce running to women in 30 countries around the world, giving them the tools, the motivation and the courage to run or walk a race. I've seen 400- pound women show up at a clinic with sullen faces of disbelief, wearing flip flops and eleven weeks later they are sporting smiles and a medal around their necks from their first race.

As an aside, Jock Semple and I became great friends. Five years after the 1967 event he had to welcome me, as well as all the women, as official competitors in the 1972 race and he was very impressed with our performances. We grew from there. For example, in the late seventies I was invited to Boston for a book signing on a book about his life, called "Just Call Me Jock". The promoters of the event thought it would be funny to surprise Jock during his talk by having me jump out from behind the curtains, wearing a gray sweat suit just like the one in the infamous 1967 marathon, and yell 'Get outta here, you're not official, give me that book.' He was certainly surprised and his first reaction was to bop me but when he realized it was a joke, he joined in and enjoyed himself.

I have been lucky in life. I had my parents and Arnie telling me I could do anything I wanted. As a female, I was never resigned to just playing with dolls or only being the cheerleader. Yes, I played with dolls and wore dresses but also climbed trees and played sports with a vengeance. After my experience in Boston, I realized there are plenty of women in the world who grow up without that support and without realizing the sky is their only limit. I wanted to reach those women and do something to change their lives.

All you need is the courage to believe in yourself and put one foot in front of the other."

Photo by Harry Trask for AP Images.


100 things I am grateful for



I'm a huge fan of the list of 100. In a previous post I challenged my readers to make a list of 100 things they love about themselves. Today, I was on a walk in this beautiful weather, pushing my 2 beautiful children in the stroller. I was overwhelmed with how blessed my life is and it always seems to get better the more grateful I am for what I have. So, I thought I would share with you my list of 100. And I challenge you to do the same. Having repeats is okay. It shows patterns of what is really important to you.

I'm grateful for:
  1. My husband. He has integrity, is loving, patient and is a kind soul. I hit the jackpot.
  2. My mom taking me to church when I was little. It shaped my faith.
  3. Legs that work. Because I love to run.
  4. My husband's secure job.
  5. Health insurance.
  6. My healthy teeth.
  7. Running water. Bathing and brushing my teeth are good things.
  8. My dads sobriety. I'm so proud of him.
  9. Being able to stay home with my kids.
  10. Being recovered from disordered eating and exercise.
  11. Knowing my purpose on this earth.
  12. My son's birth. I knew he was safe when I had to have him via cesarean section.
  13. My daughters birth. Having her vaginally was a magical experience. Yes, I just said "vaginally".
  14. My ex husband cheating on me. It made me find my self esteem.
  15. My first marriage. I learned so many things about myself and relationships.
  16. My relationship with a drug addict. I learned to say goodbye to codependency.
  17. Living in San Diego, the most beautiful city in the world. (In my humble opinion).
  18. Santa Claus.
  19. Having reliable transportation.
  20. Date night with my husband. The conversation always inspires me.
  21. Music. I am so moved by music.
  22. Exercising. It's so worth it.
  23. Dancing.
  24. Having the guts to stand up for what I believe in.
  25. Being literate. Thank you mom, dad and teachers for teaching me to read.
  26. Razors. Because I don't like it when my armpits are hairy.
  27. Brownies, chocolate chip cookies and cake.
  28. Being able to breast feed my children.
  29. The clothes in my closet. Sometimes I think I have nothing to wear. I have plenty.
  30. My degree in fashion merchandising. It made me realize I wasn't meant to work in the industry.
  31. Girl Scouts. I learned so many things and it shaped me today.
  32. My daughters toothless grin.
  33. The Internet.
  34. My dad teaching me the importance of a firm handshake.
  35. My parents ability to afford braces for me.
  36. Lactation consultants and doulas.
  37. My right to free speech.
  38. My dad teaching me how to play tennis.
  39. Feminists that fight for women's rights
  40. Shoes. Like the clothes, I have plenty.
  41. The heater in our house.
  42. Our home. Sometimes I wish I had more counter space, but we have enough.
  43. Volunteering for the Special Olympics.
  44. Online support groups. When I was pregnant with my daughter and wanting a VBAC, the ladies on that support group were immensely helpful.
  45. Hand-me-downs for my kids.
  46. Laundry detergent.
  47. Recycling.
  48. Facebook. I've reunited with so many important people that I'd lost touch with. And met new ones.
  49. The beach.
  50. My sense of humor.
  51. My fertility. I am so, so grateful to be able to have babies when I wanted them.
  52. My physical health.
  53. My mental health and stability.
  54. Living in a hygienic environment. Sounds strange, but a lot of people don't have this.
  55. Modern medicine.
  56. God in my life.
  57. Entertainment options. I should never be bored.
  58. Coffee.
  59. Believing in the importance of personal growth and development.
  60. The people who will be my clients this year while I go through CTI certification. I don't know who they are yet :)
  61. People that read and comment on my blog. It helps to keep me motivated to keep writing.
  62. Seatbelts.
  63. All the jobs I have had. I've learned so much.
  64. My values and core beliefs. Knowing them means I can honor them.
  65. Being able to be a stay-at-home-mom.
  66. Getting to snuggle with both babies in bed in the morning, watching Sesame Street.
  67. Having reliable transportation.
  68. Having a fridge and cupboards full of food.
  69. Parks.
  70. This crummy economy. It's made me realize how much we have.
  71. Connecting with incredible people. Human contact.
  72. My Beco baby carrier. My daughter practically lives in it.
  73. Not having to take medication anymore for anxiety disorder.
  74. My therapist.
  75. My sister.
  76. Pets. Even though we don't have one right now.
  77. The fact that I chose my own happiness.
  78. Eating dinner as a family.
  79. Service to others. Giving back.
  80. A comfortable, warm bed.
  81. Clean underwear.
  82. Being brave enough to stand up against "the bad guys".
  83. Having a choice.
  84. My education. Eternally grateful for that.
  85. Student loans. They suck sometimes, but without them, I couldn't have gone to college.
  86. Being in a functional, loving, drama-free,mutually respectful relationship.
  87. Bubble baths.
  88. My self esteem.
  89. Classic 1970's rock.
  90. Admitting I'm far from perfect, but doing the best I can.
  91. Learning to be myself with ease.
  92. Laughter.
  93. My family's good health.
  94. Access to fresh fruits and vegetables.
  95. The ability to dream.
  96. The right to vote.
  97. Forgiveness.
  98. That my life didn't turn out as I expected it to.
  99. The fact that I was born in this amazing free country.
  100. My life.
Photo courtesy of Malu Green

Dear Reebok...

Recently Reebok has been running commercials that I don't like. To say the least. (I will post the ads at the bottom of this post). The first time I saw them I said, "Ew, yuk, how sexist!" and moved on about my business. The second, the third, and so on.....I had ENOUGH. I wrote to Reebok and have pasted the letter below. I hesitated at first, and thought, "What does it matter? They won't pull the ads, or apologize." But then I looked at my 3 month old daughter smiling away at me. I did it for her. Someone needs to stand up for the next generation. I'm not sitting silent anymore. I will carry my soapbox around with me and climb up on in whenever I feel like it and well, just read for yourself:

To whom it may concern:

I wanted to take a moment to contact you regarding your ads. I am an avid runner and in the fitness industry as a certified personal trainer and life coach. I am also a mother of two young children. I am horrified at your latest commercials, three of which are so sexist they are cringe-worthy. Two of the ads feature women and their faces are never shown, obviously an indication that these women are merely tits and ass. And speaking of T & A, one of the commercials shows those two body parts having a conversation. Have you cowered so low that you have to only show this in order to sell what is obviously a fitness gimmick?

I hope that my daughter grows up in a world where companies like Reebok are long gone, companies that view women as sexual objects and nothing more all in the name of the almighty dollar. We have come too far to put up with crap like this. I can only assume that your marketing team is made up of chauvinistic men, preying on the insecurities of women. Well then, good for you. I hope your mothers are proud of you. I am here to tell you that I will NEVER buy your products again.

Shame on you, Reebok. Have some integrity and apologize for your lack of respect for women.

Sincerely,
Andrea Owen


Here is one ad that I suppose it supposed to be funny...


This one promises a better butt and legs, because obviously yours aren't good enough if they don't look like hers:


And this one is my favorite. It speaks for itself:


If you would like to drop Reebok a line, here is the email I used: corporate@reebok.com

***********************************************************************

Edited to add:

Here is the response I received from Reebok:

Hello Andrea,

Thank you very much for your feedback. All consumer feedback is helpful, as it provides us with an understanding of the public perception and opinion of our products and marketing.

The Reebok EasyTone ads were created to clearly illustrate the unique benefits of the footwear in a fun and bold way. The feedback we have received tells us that many consumers look at the ads in exactly that light, however we acknowledge that some consumers do take exception with the content of the ads.

You can be assured that your feedback will be relayed directly to our marketing team.

Regards,
Reebok Corporate Communications

5 steps to finding authentic health and wellness


I was a guest blogger this week for a really cool site- Girl Get Strong! Check out my article here.

The Anti-Gym



I couldn't sleep last night. Something has me all worked up.

A few weeks ago I was driving and a radio advertisement caught my attention. It was two girls having a conversation, one asking the other why she had so much beer in her fridge. Was it because she was having a party? "No" the other girl replied, "It's the only way I can get a guy to come over and stay the night. And if he doesn't stay the night, then I need a beer". I was floored. For your viewing pleasure, watch the 30 second commercial here before you read on. This is a commercial for a gym, called the Anti Gym, where "trainers" handcuff their clients to treadmills, throw cupcakes at them and moo at them. I have also seen on a Fox News clip (from the Anti Gym site) that they have a sauna only for people with a body fat percentage under 11 percent for men and 16 percent for women (which by the way a healthy body fat percentage for women is 18 to 25 percent. 16 percent is severely underweight and considered malnourished). The owner of the gym, Michael Karolchyk started his gyms in Colorado and has now opened in my home town, San Diego.

Here's what gets me: Mr Karolchyk claims his clients see results, which I don't doubt they do. His trainers allegedly prescribe clients to only eat 1200 calories per day. If these trainers are certified by an accredited personal training organization, they should be aware that under their certification they are not allowed to prescribe a nutritional diet plan, only a registered dietitian or trained nutritionist is legally allowed to do this (California state law). I won't get into the implications a diet consisting of only 1200 calories can do to a person. So yes, if you drastically cut calories and put clients on a heavy cardiovascular routine, they will lose weight (if you've ever seen the show The Biggest Loser, this is exactly what they do). I would like to know what Mr. Karolchyk's success rate for his clients keeping the weight off? Anyone who has battled weight issues knows that keeping the weight off is more than half the battle. I wonder if Mr. Karolchyk gives a crap about this? Or only cares that he has clients coming in his doors that pay per session.

Perhaps he is a brilliant business man who is laughing all the way to the bank with all his "chubby" clients money. Clients pay per session; they lose weight, leave the gym for a few months and slowly put the weight back on, probably more than they lost when they go back to eating like they used to, 2 to 3 times the amount of calories they were eating when they were working with one if his "trainers" (because in the real world, healthy men and women consume 2000-3000 calories per day). Did I mention that just before he opened up in San Diego he was in hot water with the IRS in Denver for taxes and was caught dumping confidential client information in a public dumpster. He also has happy hour at his gym, offering shots of Vodka as a reward for doing your workout. Drunk people spend money. Mr Karolchyk, you are sneaky.

Now I do agree to some extent with some of his philosophies. I agree that some people need a tough personal trainer to get their butt moving. On the home page of his website is the statement "Have sex with the lights on" and the site has an array of beautiful, provocative women. We all know sex sells, and men come to this gym hoping the girls on his website will be there and the women may join hoping to look like them. Positive motivation? Perhaps. Smart marketing? Yes, indeed. I agree with him in that (unfortunately) we live in a world where everyone is judged based on the way they look and to be attractive is important. I understand the physical implications for being overweight and how important being healthy is.

Both on the outside....and the inside.

I'm assume that's where it ends for Mr. Karolchyk. Make it pretty on the outside at the expense of the inside. I had to take a step back and ask myself what was really making me so upset about this. Yes, the ads are sexist and offensive. Yes, he makes a mockery of overweight people. But several overweight people have written testimonials on his website that they needed this kind of "motivation" to lose weight. I'm upset that I can't find his credentials and have read that he may have none. If this is the case I'm embarrassed that this man calls himself a fitness professional. But I think what pisses me off the most is that Mr. Karolchyk is making a living by making people feel that they are nothing unless they are thin and sexy. He is perpetuating perfectionism, an unattainable ideal body image and disordered eating and exercise. And I would venture to say he is encouraging eating disorders in women if he thinks having only 16 percent body fat is hot and sexy. He is making money off of people's fears of being inadequate. THAT'S what's pissing me off.

Exercise is not about punishment. Eating is not about being made fun of. I feel bad mostly for the women that go to this gym to lose weight only to feel so terrible about themselves when they gain it back, or even if they don't gain it back but can't figure out why they still feel so badly about themselves.

So, to Mr Karolchyk, you claim that all of your "haters" are "fat, bearded ladies" (he actually says this on his website) and that no one will stand up to you that is thin and beautiful and say they disagree with you. Well, I do. And currently I am 5 months pregnant, but I am still healthy, thin and beautiful and I disagree with what you are doing. And I don't have a beard either. But more importantly I am beautiful on the inside, something you wouldn't understand if it was shoved down your screaming throat. I feel sorry for you. I have a feeling your gimmick won't last long because in my opinion you have no integrity.

Photo courtesy of william couch

Exercise benefits the self esteem of cancer patients

I recently read a study out of Canada where 242 breast cancer patients while on chemotherapy were randomly put into three groups: Resistance training, aerobic exercise training and a control group that did not exercise at all. They measured physical changes such as body mass, percent body fat, etc., all the things you would expect. But more importantly, they reported changes in the patients quality of life, fatigue, anxiety, depression and self esteem. And wouldn't you know it, both exercise interventions significantly improved the self esteem of the cancer patients. 

Big surprise. 

I was so happy to see this. During my undergrad studies in Exercise Science I have read countless studies involving exercise. Its effects on hypertension, diabetes, weight control, pregnancy, asthma, exercise on caffeine, no caffeine, exercise while standing on your head, wearing a Santa suit, while drinking a margarita. Basically I've read a lot of research pertaining to exercise. But HOORAY for this study that looked at something so important: self esteem. Now, I can't even begin to imagine how first of all being diagnosed with breast cancer must effect ones self esteem. But then to have to endure chemotherapy and most likely lose your hair AND possibly lose one or both breasts (41% of the patients in this study had a mastectomy) would  be horrible. 

So, to see the outcome of this study further manifests the message that exercise is medicine. Image what it can do for people who don't have cancer? I have seen what healthy, safe exercise can do for not only people's bodies, but their minds as well, especially self esteem. I have experienced it myself and seen it happen in others. 

And if you are a science nerd like me and would like to read the article, please contact me and I would be happy to email you the PDF version. 

With respect to the researchers who conducted this study, here is the formal reference:

Courneya, K (2007, September 4).Effects of aerobic and resistance exercise in breast cancer patients receiving adjuvant chemotherapy: A multicenter randomized controlled trial. Journal of Clinical Oncology. 25(28), 4396-4404.

Resolutions, Schmesolutions



Ah, January. The time of year where we all get out our pens and write down our resolutions yet again. They talk about it on the news, the gyms are packed, it's as if we all got two new double A batteries loaded into our brains and we're ready to tackle our list!

Wait a minute....what do you mean you're not organized, in shape, done reading all those books, remodeled your kitchen, gotten in touch with lost friends, found a new job, had quality time with your significant other and made scrapbooks of your kids by December???

Because thinking about resolutions or even writing them down on a crisp piece of paper just doesn't cut it, my friend! So, (cracking knuckles), keep reading to find out a better way.

First, acknowledge that conquering a goal is difficult, but not impossible. If it were easy, we would all be endlessly happy and rich to boot. So, don't beat yourself up for past resolutions or goals that you have failed at. We've all been there, even Tony Robbins, (I think. He's human, right?) so move on.

Second, make your list and leave lots of room in between goals. Think about what you want your new year to look like. Where do you want to be 12 months from now? Even if it's the scariest, hairiest goal ever, WRITE IT DOWN! The scarier, the better. Go back and with the space you left, write down the reasons you have not made these goals happen in the past. Then, write down why this goal is important to you. (For example: Resolution- start working out. Reasons I haven't done it- don't have time, too tired, it's boring. Reason it's important- lose weight, live longer, I love spandex.) Lastly in this space, write down HOW you will do it. Be specific! (I want to walk 2 miles in my neighborhood in the mornings twice a week for 2 weeks, then 3 times a week thereafter). Make sure this is attainable and realistic. We've all been taught to "reach for the starts", but sometimes, we gotta start with reaching for the doorknob. Make sure that your goals are measurable. Try to stay away from general statements like, "I want to lose weight". How much weight? And by when? Re-read your list and pick ONE goal at a time to tackle. If you see one where your intuition tells you "that's not going to happen" really think about it. Are you self-sabotaging yourself? Or, is this the one goal that you are ready to be proud of that you finally accomplished it?

Third, and this is where you may need to be a little organized, plan it out. Just writing down, "I will walk twice this week" isn't enough. Plan it in your week. If you have a day planner/organizer/tech gadget figure out when you will have time, and schedule it in. Put it somewhere where you will have to see it.

Everyone is different when it comes to attaining goals. For me, the more people I tell about a goal, the more I strive to attain it. Accountability is a great way to get things accomplished. Life is too short to sit around and just talk about what we want to do. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some goals to write down!!



Photo courtesy of flickr by brownhorse

I am anti-yoga

Today I popped in the 4th of 12 videos from a new workout program I am doing and it was a Yoga workout. I have done Yoga before and although I think it's a great workout and admire those that do it, I have never been a big fan. It's slow and boring. I can't concentrate and I have come to the conclusion that I am mentally unable to meditate. As much as I would love to, I just can't. Give me 2 Tylenol PM and 3 glasses of wine and I might be able to...but other than that I just can't.

So, the video was 90 minutes long. I knew right when I saw how long it was that this was going to be a struggle. I made it a half an hour before I pressed stop and found something better to do.

Are some people just wired NOT to be able to do things like that? I mean 90 minutes, are you kidding me? Maybe I have adult onset ADD or something, but that's just ridiculous! The whole thirty minutes my mind was spinning, "My hands are sweating. I wonder if the people in the video are as bored as I am? This pose makes my head hurt because my ponytail is too heavy. Maybe I should get a haircut. Am I ready for short hair? Is today Saturday or Sunday? Should we get a dog?" and on and on.

Well, like I always say, It is what it is!